I’m still up. My bed time is usually 10:30, but I’m up. Partially because I finally got my internet to work at my apartment, but mostly because I have anxiety about school. I have really bad anxiety, I should get it checked some time.

After tonight’s class, it finally hit me that I’m in grad school. I’ve been in this program for 8 months now. In 4 months I’ll have my credentials and then I’ll have my masters 2 months following that. I look back 9 months ago thinking that I was doubting myself if I’d get accepted, and now I’m here, 8 months in, doing it. It’s been so intense. It’s like I got on a treadmill, turned it on, didn’t anticipate the high speed, but keep running because I can’t turn it off until I’ve ran 14 months. I reflect each day and tell myself that I need to make more time to absorb all of this learning. I really feel like I’m missing out on enjoying the process because I am too busy in the process. But it’s crazy though, that I’m actually doing this.

I’ve always had a plan for what to do next. After high school, move 500 miles away and go to college. After college, take a break and build up work experience. After two years, go back to school. Now that I’m in grad school, I’m freaking out what my plans would be next. See, when I was a little girl, I wanted to do what my mom did. Get married at 22 and have a family at 24.. But I just hit my quarter mark, so too late for that plan now. Haha I was thinking of sticking to what I do best.. school. If nothing slows me down, I’m going to keep striving and keep going.. for that Ph.D.

Idk.

Well I’m hitting the peak of this program and I’m over whelmed.

• 2/13: Observation
• 2/16: Midterm
• 3/04: TPA 3
• 3/05: Observation
• 3/19-3/30: 2wk Observation
• 3/26-3/30: Finals
• 4/15: TPA 4

There’s so much to do and seriously so little time. And I have been slacking off a little bit this quarter.. I use “Winter Quarter is usually the hardest quarter” as an excuse to justify my actions. But I know what I’m doing, more like not doing, and will change this lazy behavior soon.. like right now.

Enough with my rants. Goooooodnight!